Useless

            You might I noticed that by blog remained the same on Monday. I failed to update the page. I see it as a failure because I knew I had to get a blog post out, and I knew I had material to write about, but I kept of procrastinating. Now it’s already Saturday. So, instead of writing on my planned topic, I’m going to address the issue of procrastination and laziness.

            This week has been particularly rough on that front. I’ve not felt like doing any work, mental or physical. I’ve been avoiding some tasks, and completely ignoring others. In their place, I’ve been squandering hours away watching pointless videos. I’ve can’t count the number of times I’ve said “just one more episode”.

It’s coming back to bite me. Since I’m on my vacations now, I don’t have extra work piling up on my desk each day. I don’t have a constant supply of menial worksheets to keep me occupied. And since I’m ignoring my other work, my productivity has essentially dropped down to zero. Now I’m starting to have battles with my personal demons. Each hour I waste hurts me like lingering poison. Before I know it, the day has passed, and I feel terrible that I haven’t gotten anything done. I can’t do much more that say “I’ll do it first thing tomorrow.” Tomorrow morning, I say “I’ll do it in the afternoon. I have plenty of time.” It’s a never-ending cycle.

            I’m starting to break free. My own growing frustration at my uselessness is compelling me to change. I’m tired of that horrible feeling I get at night, that sense of failed expectations.

            By the end of the summer, in 23 days, I want to look back and say “It wasn’t too bad. I was pretty productive.” Then I want to dive into the school year, already feeling positive and charged up, ready for success.